Mixed up feelings today

We faxed over the paperwork for the house last night and I honestly don't know what I am feeling....excited to be moving forward on our RV dream FINALLY. Trying hard to "let go" of my dream house located on my dream land. I knew exactly what I wanted land wise and found it. I still vividly remember David calling me at work in Santa Barbara (I sent him out to check it out, after finding it online)...his exact words were "Mom, GET UP HERE!! This land is perfect!!" I canceled my next 3 days of work and took off on my 9 hour drive up here, picked him up and as we drove up, he was SO excited. I think of that day every single time I drive up the road to my house. Only, since Dave passed, it hurts every single time. Still...he loved this place. And when Kris saw it, he loved it, too.
My plan was to leave this land to the two of them...that was my inheritance for them. But then, the stock market went south and I lost everything because of some really bad decisions on my part. I feel so bad about that....there is not much there for Kris at all, if anything. SO sorry, sweetheart!
We have been looking at Rv's like crazy and trying to make a deal with a guy in Mesa, Arizona.....he thought a deposit would be ok, but his manager didn't care for it. So...this is the deal Alan shot to him....$3,000 deposit (refundable) and we pay to have an RV inspector check it out. If the coach is acceptable and we agree, then the deposit becomes non refundable and they hold it for us til the escrow closes. The salesman said he's run it by management, so we'll see.
Gotta make another run to the thrift store...our Saturday thing. ;0)